Healthy Life

To the Woman Who Fights For Control

This is for the woman who fights with all she has to stay in control. The woman who worries about the future because it’s unknown. The woman who feels the only way she’ll keep from being defeated in life is if she grasps life as firmly as she can. Here’s to the woman who fights for control…you can let it go. 

Do you ever feel like everything in life is hanging by a string, each day causing the fibers to thin more and more, each day spent worrying that things are going to come crashing down. You try your best to hold everything in the air, bracing the weight to spare yourself from losing anything. But there’s far too many things at stake and not enough hands to keep everything balanced. 

We don’t know for a fact that things will stay up. But yet we think that worrying and trying to control the things in our lives will make a difference in the outcome. 

I often ask myself why this always seems to be our default…to worry, to control. 

We gain nothing from worrying. We actually lose everything. 

We lose sleep. 

We lose a sound mind. 

We lose our appetite, or end up reaching for any food that we feel will soothe our souls. 

We lose friends because people don’t enjoy being around a worrier. 

We lose health. 

We lose motivation. 

We lose desire. 

You get the picture…the fight for control will leave you scraping for anything, literally anything to make you feel whole again. And this causes you to lose everything. 

So many women today are fighting for self-worth trying to control their environment. The thought is that by controlling their environment they will avoid pain. And who likes pain? They distance themselves from friends and family because of a fear that someone will let them down or hurt them. They never leave the house without a full face of makeup and perfect hair for fear that someone will judge them. They constantly diet for fear that someone would call them fat. But what they don’t realize is that by controlling, by trying to eliminate anything and everything that could cause hurt, they lose the chance for joy. You can’t have joy that comes from letting go and finding freedom without being vulnerable for pain. 

If this is you, I feel for you. I was that girl. I thought that by controlling I would find happiness. I thought that if everything in my life went exactly as I planned it to, I would be accepted. Somehow I associated control with power. And what woman in this day and age doesn’t want power? But what I didn’t know was that by trying to control everything in my life, I was losing the very thing that makes life sweet…JOY. 

I was trying so desperately to find happiness in controlling and protecting myself from hurt. What I didn’t realize was that happiness is fleeting. Yes, I was happy when I restricted food in the beginning because I felt in control. I was happy when I was exercising every day and felt undefeated by my body’s weariness. But slowly and surely, the joy dissipated in my life. Food was feared, exercise was punishment. I was trying to control my body, my health, my life…but is that kind of restricted life worth it? 

Dear friend. You, the woman who fights for control…

…Just let go. 

It’s a scary thought, letting go. You may be thinking, “But I’ve worked so hard for this!” Let me tell you, it’s not worth it. It’s not worth losing everything precious in life…family, friends, relationships…for a [quote] perfect body. Maybe you’re scared of giving up the thought that you have some power over what happens in your life. Here’s some truth for you:  no amount of controlling will bring you any closer to preventing or allowing things to happen. We live in a fallen world, a world that is far from perfect. 

But here’s the hope…

Letting go brings joy. Joy that’s constant, unlike happiness. Joy that will remain even if you experience sickness, even if you lose a loved one, even if you miss out on an opportunity. Joy remains when life shows its imperfections. How freeing is that!? You have freedom to let go, with the promise that by surrendering control you’ll experience a life that’s more fulfilling, more joyful. 

Ok, ok…this sounds easier said than done. Don’t get me wrong, surrendering control is not an easy thing to just decide on doing. But here’s some ways you can get started:  

Allow yourself to enjoy what you eat. Savor each bite. Food is nourishment for the body, but can also promote great healing in the mind. 

Allow yourself to enjoy movement. Get outside and walk, casually, not because it’s part of your workout, but because it is freeing to just WALK. 

Allow yourself to say “no”. Say no to things you don’t want to do, things that busy you into exhaustion, things that you only say yes to for self gratification. 

Allow yourself to lay around one day and just read, or doodle, or sip coffee all day. The controlled woman wants to do everything herself, but taking a day every once in a while to just be is so important for your mind. 

Allow yourself to speak your mind. Be true to your beliefs, not worrying about what others think, not trying to control the conversation. 

Allow yourself to hand over the reigns to someone greater than you. The Maker of the universe. The One who is perfect even though you aren’t. The One who sees you as beautiful no matter the mess you’re in. The One who has purpose in every little detail of your life. Only when you surrender will you find peace, joy, and love in life…and these are not fleeting. They’ll be here to stay. 

Jesus is the reason I decided to let go of control. I know now that despite my crazy life, I can rest assured that even when I feel like the world is whirling around me and I have no control, I have peace in the fact that all things will work out for my good because my Savior loves me and wants me to love this life…this beautiful, colorful life. 

So rest assured, beautiful woman. You can rest. You can let go. You can find freedom. You can find joy again! Start by giving up control of small things and little by little you’ll see the fruit is so much better in letting go.

 

Stop fighting for control. 

 

What are some ways you struggle in giving up control? What scares you about that concept? Comment below…I’d love to hear your thoughts!

 

Have you checked out the Steel & Chiffon Facebook group yet? Join the group for a great community of women striving to be free of control and living life, healthy from the inside out! 

 

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8 Comments

  • Reply
    Linda Luke
    May 18, 2017 at 5:51 pm

    As I have become older and wiser I let go of more and more. Things, Control. Needing to know of figure things out. Now, I am the peaceful one and it is interesting to watch and work with clients who are still fighting with tooth and nail to have it all under control.

    • Reply
      Victoria
      May 18, 2017 at 6:46 pm

      I love this, Linda! Letting go is such a hard thing to do, but such a vital thing for a fulfilling life. Thank you for sharing!

  • Reply
    Willow
    May 19, 2017 at 11:39 am

    I am getting a lot better about letting go of control. However, just yesterday I was in Facebook jail for the first time. Luckily, it lasted less than 24 hours, but during that time I was freaking out slightly. Like, “How am I going to grow my blog when I can’t participate in my FB groups?” During that time I also thought of other ways to use my time wisely and that calmed me down.

    • Reply
      Victoria
      May 22, 2017 at 7:54 pm

      I know that feeling…just feeling stuck like you should be doing something, but you can’t and it can cause so much anxiety. But learning to let go when those times happen and realize that worrying doesn’t help you is so important! Thanks for sharing!

  • Reply
    Razena
    May 19, 2017 at 3:12 pm

    I loved reading this post. Sometimes we are our own worst enemy, but thankfully there are ways to make life a little bit more joyful. I realised a few months ago that at nearly 45 I needed to live my best life and stop worrying about diets that were doomed to fail. Now I actually enjoy the food that I eat without guilt, but still try to stay away from certain foods mainly because I don’t like them and also because they make me physically ill.

    • Reply
      Victoria
      May 22, 2017 at 8:04 pm

      I love that…we definitely can be our worst enemy sometimes. We can be so much more critical of ourselves than any other person is of us. Life is so much more than dieting…it’s so great you’ve found balance in eating what makes you feel good.

  • Reply
    Dia All The Things I Do
    May 20, 2017 at 12:50 pm

    I love this! So much. We do that and it’s because we have been programmed to take care of every one else in our lives and it’s killing us. I’ve watched my aunt and my grandmother both subcome to this. That’s why I am so hard on my mom about taking care of herself. We got into it slightly because she called me selfish. I felt the need to explain, I’m not selfish that it’s okay to say no to things if it means saying yes to your own mental and physical health. She lets my cousins run her down. She has extra people living in her home who don’t help and she does all the work and cooking and cleaning and taxing. She doesn’t ask for much and they give her even less. I’m gonna get off my soapbox and stop my personal rant but it’s so true. Thank you for saying this.

  • Reply
    Victoria
    May 22, 2017 at 8:07 pm

    So true…our mental and physical health is so important, and realizing we only have so much time in a day and so much energy to spend it so important. Thank you for your comment!

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